did you get engaged???
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
