i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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