Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
