she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
there is puke in my bra ... again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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