My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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