Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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