he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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