Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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