This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
