If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
