i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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