Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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