she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
