Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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