then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
