i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
