I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
