I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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