They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
