i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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