My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
