dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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