just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
