he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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