Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
