stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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