Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
