no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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