your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize