My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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