Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
