Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
