my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
