I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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