I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
