im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
