Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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