woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
