just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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