did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
