I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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