I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
