I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
