i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
