just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
