I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
