My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
