He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
