it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
