it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
