I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize