Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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