Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
