Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
