I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
