I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize