I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
