His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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