apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
