I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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